I'm not terribly sure how many of you know of the troubles I've had to work through. I do know that a few of you have been made aware of my previous experiences. I'm not terribly sure what I'm hoping to accomplish with this. If anything, I hope anyone that comes across this entry can at least take something away from this and maybe even help out someone they may know that could be going through this or maybe if they're going through this themselves that they can see just how powerful a decision like that could affect everyone around them.

I've had my bouts with depression in the past and it did get to bad to the point where I was moments away from committing suicide. Reflecting upon it now, it was certainly a horrible situation which could have been amplified had I actually killed myself. I'm just thankful (still am) that I had some of the best friends to be there for me and help me through the tough time. If it weren't for them, I certainly would have ended up six feet under and even if I may not show/say it, I'm always, always thankful to them and am forever in debt to them.

Why do I bring this up now? Well, it reminds me of a similar story that happened to me back in 2005, my senior year of high school. It seemed like any other day, any other countdown to my graduation. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Or at least nothing did until word came in that one of the students had committed suicide. I never knew the kid personally, but I could certainly see and feel the shockwave that went through the rest of the school. Some of my friends that knew him were speechless, others I had seen in the halls as I passed were in disbelief. The school as a whole was certainly different that day, and certainly different for the rest of the school year.

To this day, there are still people that are affected with his death. I'm not certain that any amount of time could truly heal the pain. I can only hope that their pain can be eased as time goes by. It's enough of a struggle when you lose someone close to you, but I can only imagine how much more of a struggle it is when you lose someone like that.

*sigh* He would've turned 21 today. Had he still been alive today, he would've turned the big 21 today. I suppose the more I think about it, the more it hits home. The very thought that I could have put my friends and family through the same thing just gives me that sick feeling deep in my stomach. I just couldn't put them through that much pain...

I know my thoughts are pretty scattered right now, but I just needed to get this out. If it ever seems like anyone you know is struggling, going through a hard time in their life, be there for them. Never give up on them. Do everything you can for them. Keep an eye out for the signs. Just do everything in your power to prevent something like this to happen again. This is certainly a pain I wouldn't want to see ANYONE go through, so please. Just be mindful of what's happening to your friends and family... That's all I can ask...

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Dedicated In Memoriam
Thomas Russell Crook
Born November 13th, 1988
Died March 15th, 2005